Thoughts Of A Whim

I Tried An Excercise To Find My Purpose

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03 October 2009
Posted in On life

I recently stumbled upon a fantastic blog by a Steve Pavlina who has made it his life's goal to help others improve themselves.  One of his articles proved to be quite useful for me as I have spent much time thinking about this subject.  The topic in question is your purpose in life.

Steve suggested that you could find your purpose by doing a simple excercise where you spend some time listing what you believe is your purpose until one of the items you list resonates strong emotions from within.  In short, until you found one that made you "cry" according to Steve.  The article and the exact details of this excercise can be found here. 

I just wanted to share my experience and as always my experience may and probably will be different from yours.  Use what I've written here to draw your own conclusions.

I sat down today after lunch and decided to give this excercise a go.  I opened up a text document on my trusty computer, typed "What is my true purpose in life?" and started to type away.  The things I was initially jotting down all seemed to be stereotypical and at times childish in nature.  I figure at the time I wasn't taking it all to seriously and it probably shows in my first initial responses.  However, as I got further and further along the responses started to become harder and harder to come by.  Nothing I had written so far had given me any sort of emotional response.  Even the ones I was sure would had not.  

I started to get frustrated as my list of purposes started to slow and my brain started to cramp up until I thought to myself that maybe I was going about this the wrong way.  What I did then was instead of just jotting down purposes, I started to have a monologue with myself.  I worked my way through a conversation with myself, only jotting down the most important statements so that I could maintain the flow of thoughts streaming from my mind.  Eventually, after a hundred or so lines of text, I started to get statements that hit home a little more.  The more I thought about these statements the more I could feel something in the recesses of my chest.  At first I thought maybe it was an alien baby about to burst forth from my body but the more I continued to type the stronger the feeling got.

It took me about 200 purpose statements before I finally reached the one that resonated with every being of my soul.  You can find my actual list here, it's quite long.  It literally brought a tear to my eye and that is rare since I like to fancy myself as a burly man.  Here is what I have come up with as my purpose in life:

"My purpose in life is to listen to others and to try and understand the voices that are spoken to me, and to speak out in order to help others understand."

This statement, every time I read it, brings forth a new found sense of energy and enthusiasm.  I have to admit I was skeptical at first but through this excercise have to concede that it is quite effective.  Whether or not that statement above is my true purpose I still do not know for sure.  It resonates with my soul enough though that I'm sure it is nearly dead on.  

It affected me so strongly in fact that I had to come back to this blog and rethink what I wanted to do with it.  The blog you see in front of you is not the same blog from earlier today.  Originally I just wanted to post my opinion on things, kind of like a rant, but because of today I intend to help others and to follow my purpose in life to the best of my ability.  I even went back through the previous posts I made, all 2 of them, and changed them around in order to make them more informational and less ranty. 

I recommend this excercise.  If anything it may help you focus your mind on what you think you should be doing and that in my opinion is a good enough reason to try it.

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Helping A Friend In A Bad Relationship: Part 1

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01 October 2009
Posted in On relationships

Recently I've come across a string of questions that involves either someone trying to help a friend in a bad relationship or they themselves are in a bad relationship and are seeking advice.  I find that such relationships all seem to have a common theme to them and because of this some general guideines can be followed when dealing with such situations.

What I'm going to focus on today is the bad relationship where one of the partners is actively seeing another man or woman and the other knows about it.  The questions that I normally come across are along the lines of "How do I help my friend?" or "What should I do?"  The answers to these questions vary a little on a per case basis but for the most part have definite do's and don'ts.

First question I'll attempt to answer is "How do I help my friend?"  Simply speaking the best thing to do is for you to be there for him/her.  At times like this most people will feel alone and abandoned by their spouse.  This feeling of abandonment can be so strong that they tend to shut themselves away from their friends and family.  Some times they will approach you for some guidance but when you give them your opinion they seem to blow it off.  

This is normal, it is a coping mechanism, a defensive strategy for the mind and soul.  It is when they behave like this that you need to let them know that you will be there for them but at the same time do not try to smother them or make yourself appear pushy.  That is the last thing you want to do because it may cause the person you are trying to help to distance themselves from you.  The main reason for this is because if you come off as too overbearing while trying to help them, you yourself will become a source of stress.  It is only natural that one tries to distance themselves from their stress. 

The main thing to keep in mind while trying to help a friend is that your friend needs to make their own decisions.  Do not do anything that makes it seem like you are trying to push your stance on to them, as much as it may pain you to see them in the situation they are in.  Just keep in mind that you can't "make" your friend do anything, you can only suggest it.  The best thing you can do to promote the decision making process is to let them know you are there if they ever need to talk.  The next thing you should do is give them your opinion on their situation.  Make sure they know it is just your opinion while you do.  

Use words like "I think" and "In my opinion."  These words should help you convey your message without seeming to be pushy.  Words like "you" should be avoided.  The word "you" places a distance between two people.  No longer are they a team once that word is used.  Think about it for a moment, whenever someone uses the word "you" as in "You need to do this," does it not feel like they are commanding you?  Where as if they said "I think the best thing to do is to do this" makes it seem like they are just giving you a suggestion with the best intentions.

In my experience this is the best approach to help a friend in need.  What I wrote about above is not only for helping someone in a relationship crisis.  The advice can be used in any situation where a friend or loved one needs help or guidance.  

Part Two will talk about the second question from above, "What should I do?"

As I Look Out The Window...

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29 September 2009
Posted in On life

As I sit here staring out the window towards the sky I can't help but get a feeling of peace.  A feeling of serenity that is hard to explain, possibly because a feeling like this seems to be harder and harder to come by in today's world.  I continue to sit and watch as the clouds roll by gently and uneventfully.  The sunlight shining down from the heavens cast a magnificent glow on the earth, adding to the sense of awe I am already feeling.  Clouds are very relaxing in my opinion to look at.  They have no hard edges and their shape is easy on the eyes as well as the soul.  They serenely float all those thousands of feet up in the air, seemingly closer to God than most of us ever get.  I always feel at peace when I take a moment to watch the clouds. 

I think in all of us there is a longing for peace, a longing to know that all is right with the world.  Even if the world we wish this on is only within our minds.  Afterall, it is the world we each hold within ourselves that is the most important.   This peace of our inner world can be brought on by simple activities that many people have forgotten about.  There are many activities that you can do to truly relax.  Activities that do not distract you from your life but allow you to contemplate your life.  When was the last time you just sat and watched the clouds float by?  If the answer is along the lines of "I can't remember..." then perhaps you are like the millions of people who have allowed themselves to be so caught up with the hecticness of modern living that they forgot to take a moment out of their day to just relax.  Or maybe you have recently lost a loved one and feel that you need to keep yourself occupied and busy.  Distracting yourself only puts your troubles out of sight.  Distractions like work or even watching television only provide momentary peace.  Let me ask you something, how often did you find yourself at peace while watching television?  

Television in my opinion is entertainment, it is meant as a distraction from the world around us. True peace can only come from focusing on the things that are causing you stress and coming to terms with them.  Think about it for a moment.  Do you not feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders after you reconcile with a loved one?  Think of your life as a loved one that you are constantly at odds with.  By simply taking a moment out of your day and allowing yourself to go over the events of the past you can often come to terms with the world around you.  By accepting the past you can allow for a brighter future that is not held down by anything. 

Allow yourself a moment everyday to get your thoughts in order to meditate on your life as it is right now and I can almsot guarantee that you, like the clouds, will feel that the sky is the limit. 

 

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